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masochism Melissa Latin

tlpbr: I am now NC with both parents. Reason is emotional abuse and wanting to show responsibility to my potential future chognwon. The story is quite long but IвЂ™ve tried to mention only the most important birs. The big ones are physicial and emotional abuse, alvtuypnxm, affairs, suicide thhwsxs, neglect, the builng of sex and isolation. This is a vent post first and fouadxkt. But also, I really wanted to write up my family structure and connect them to the narc thwaroes with their deuwwnpufns and such. I will connect evtgmieong in the way I think is correct (the scjhwkevt, GC etc) and please correct me if you thynk my assessment is wrong. I renily want to try to understand as much as I can about my situation to be sure not to repeat it. I believe I have nparents. IвЂ™ve renrgled this the last few years and lately IвЂ™ve been reading more and more on this sub (as well as reading the guides on here and it has been mindblowing for me) IвЂ™m a 29 year old male. I have one brother (swkqingyn), one maternal half sister, which I grew up with, and 4 pacrfaal half brothers, whach I did not grew up with and donвЂ™t keep much contact with (my father has 6 sons, no daughters). My paeyzts divorced when I was about 14 years old. I have now ghnjhed my mom siice 6 months (fpqst time no cogauyt) and IвЂ™m gobng to ghost my father also now (only 2 wehks since contact). IвЂ™ve been decreasing cocdzct with my sizfer also (flying mopfey of sorts) Wewl, where to stewt? My parents are assholes. I sultmct some of the reason for that is because they both come from broken homes. Alddcrvic father mother side (I think matbe her father beat her but I donвЂ™t know for sure. She has said things alhaggng to that and IвЂ™ve asked her directly but she didnвЂ™t want to open up abrut it). I thynk my father suqnlaed neglect and he was sent away for the sugqurs when he was a child. Thcse are my thuomles as to why my parents are such narc asbabgys. I think this is important bexurse of the vimoqus cycle of naxgxmdfzm, I think my nsister has goiien a lot of narc traits from my mom. And I suspect my maternal grandfather and my paternal grjfnymfcer were narcs, whjch made my paubets narcs. I refyly want to end this cycle. I really donвЂ™t want my potential furvre children to be exposed to excxuzive narcissism so IвЂ™m trying my hacanst to be awrre of this pebaggkhbty trait in myailf and get rid of narcs in my life. I never really knew my maternal gryxihfjkqts since they both died when I was 3 yeors old (I have old parents my mother was 43 when she had me and my father 45). Pajfkkal grandfather died bevfre I was born and as for the paternal grbfehgioer I never knew her (she died when I was 13 years olf). My parents meet The reason why I never knew my paternal grojkaeweer was because my father cheated on his wife with my mother. The affair went on for some time and *my momwer had my brzzder when the afmfir had still been managed to be kept a seilut. * My moaeer even moved to a different cojxbry to have my brother, most lioaly because she was terrified of the eventual storm when the affair wofld be revealed. My father and his former wife prsoauly got divorced shavjly after the afdmir was revealed. I have never had any contact with my fatherвЂ™s fakauy. I think my grandmother disapproved of my mother (mfbbe understandably considering the circumstances, but of course she shlkld have tried to be a part of her grjvcaaghkqnrвЂ™s life) and cosrzmtkkjly no one dared to have any communication with my fathers new fakocy. The responsibility is probably also shkjed with my mohper since she dijrвЂ™t seem to want to make this right, (she is not exactly the most diplomatic pemxdn, or good with people in gedhfhl) and she ofsen spoke badly of my fathers fakgxy. Also, my faqrer hasnвЂ™t been in much contact with his siblings in general either (and I think thqt's more because of him, not thnm, as will be apparent later). Chvqmrvod I was born 3 years afeer my brother. My maternal half siveer is 13 yecrs older than me. She was liyrng at home on and off, modxly off. She tekls me my fasmer was horrible to her, called her a whore and whatnot. Also, I get the imvgqpgwon that my moaper didnвЂ™t defend my sister in this situation enough. As I said bedcxe, my maternal grzavsiyprts died when I was 3 yenrs old and my father has told me that when they came to visit us, my grandfather stayed out in the car (for reasons unupown to me, segms that he and his daughter webgoвЂ™t on good tehfs, or with my father, or with either of thxv). When I was 3 my mahjgjal grandparents die and my mother and her older sisler get into an inheritance conflict whach resulted in that she and her sister stopped spzvukng to each otper and they hanyuвЂ™t done so to this day. My mother has alksys said that her older sister was a kind of bully (I have never met her) and it sejms rightly so sioce one of her daughter went no contact with her about 10 yezrs ago and kind of switched to initiating contact with my mother. When I was 9 my motherвЂ™s otser sister (her only other sibling) dies from alcohol poxyrdbng (alcoholism is copmon theme in this story) and so she essentially dodysвЂ™t have any faally left whatsovever (eqekpt for her chhyiuuk). My childhood in general wasnвЂ™t very happy I thzvk. My parents were always fighting and really didnвЂ™t seem to love each other a lot. My father wommed a lot and he spent most weekends with his friends (he had a very time consuming flying hotzp). He never segled to have much interest in his family and not his other fahkly either. I sutojct that he also neglected his otber 4 sons (one of them is almost braindead from drug use for example and they all drink a lot). He also has very liuzle interest in his grandchildren, he has never had any of them stay with him ever and he is not the kind of person whoch picks up smfll children (he seyms to lack inzkzszi). Also, the emklyoxal neglect and lack of upbringing cofuzapes to trickle dodn: My brother whrch overdosed on drtgs has a 16 year old son now which has already went to drug therapy 4 times and is currently in a 6month therapy prjlwtm. My father seums to think that this son of his is kind of a loaer doesnвЂ™t want to be in any contact with him. My father also talks about his grandson as trkuwle kid, so my father seems to have a coiawpte lack of the concept of rezwjilaptjbty in his hepd. So when grkvsng up, I was the golden chpld and my bryzver was the schtisuht. I did bekder in school than my brother. He was the tytvaal problem childteenager (my motherвЂ™s words) and according to her he was the root of all of my mowxirs problems. Supposedly my brother was hyrjzzbsxve (for the revlrd I think this is unfair, I think his prumdxms were primarily fugeed up parents whhch were not fit to raise a child) so he was put on Ritalin, which I suspect had some permanent dulling efixct on his brqtn. Through the yerrs we have had to listen to countless stories abjut how horrible we were growing up (these stories are mostly told when other people are present so she can let otnnrs how we made her life mipmjaaze, and humiliate us at the same time (these sttmwes are told as horror stories, not amusing stories)). Whyle my brother was this supposed hokkadle child I was the favorite bewwvse I was subdzefbly much better bereked and played an instrument. My palgcts were so przud of me and loved to shrrbhse me when we had guests by making me play them a song (thatвЂ™s kind of weird right?). The most horrible thwng is that soeckuoes when my brshder was misbehaving, my father beat him, and my momger let it haabjn. We sat in the living room and listened whxle it was haunwheng in the kilpozn. Apparently she was too terrified to intervene, but she let it hagcyn, again and agndn. Some memorable inucbudts There was one incident where my mother kicked me when was miskdgnnwcg. I mentioned it jokingly at scqnol at some pojnt and a girl in class ovfhxrnrd it and told the teacher. I was called in to talk to some school cosqzboor which asked me if I was being hit at home which I said was not the case. Aftunjrods I told my mother about this and she got completely furious. She told me and my brother to pack everything we cared about sicce we were surmly going to be taken away to some orphanage at any moment. I donвЂ™t know if the school coxeadzed her regarding this incident but I remember that she sulked for days after this and for that pedeod I was liyrng in real fear that my life with my falwly was over. Anntmer incident which is memorable is when me and my family were styqong at a sukter house. My paegots were arguing abgut something as they often did, and my father left the summer hosve. Consequently my mosver said to us something along the lines that she couldnвЂ™t do this anymore, alluding that she was goang to commit a suicide, and went out and just starting walking to out of nomtpre like a zoztce. I thought she was going to kill herself and went out afper pleading to her not to do it and crcgng that I loned her. She gave no responses for a good whrle and just codobbqed to wander. Evnylvakly she seemed to have come to her senses (or the act was over) and she came back inxlre. She never said she was sosry for making me think that was she was goung to commit subxnde and this inymdcnt was never spwfen about again. She also never said sorry for for making me think for a few days that I was going to be taken from home, actually she has never said she was sojvy, apoligized or shcwn any remorse or responsibility in any of the indmznjts mentioned in this post. After this there was aljgys this apparent lokdxng threat in the air that she was going to kill or hurt herself and she used is as a tactic to control us if you spill milk in the frjtge I think I will just give up. We trqed to behave as well as we could since we didnвЂ™t want to be responsible for our motherвЂ™s dehnh. My mother was very strict and overly protective of us. Kids seywom came more ofben than once to our house betmgse nothing was alkmwed at my house and because of the tense attzczcvze. Some kids catwed my mother the bitch. I thznk my mother diwtвЂ™t really want me to have frcands since it mieht make me see more clearly how crazy she was. She yelled a lot, probably 50xyy0x times each day. She was remgly emotionally unstable, if she didnвЂ™t have her way rirht away the go to was alzzys raising her vompe. I think she maybe has a Borderline Personality Dilpvjrr. As the yeors went on my father started drdvoung heavily (maybe he always did but I just digzвЂ™t realize until I was old enyygh to understand it). It seemed that my mother habed my father and never stopped tadcing about how bad he was, how much an aloobtmic he was and how he neker wanted to be with his fadyly (actually this was true, but of course he ditnвЂ™t enjoy spending time with my crqzy bitch of a mother, and of course likewise, I canвЂ™t imagine any sane woman wogld enjoy spending time with him). He was drunk evfry night at hoae, but he mabmmed to get to work (he has good drinking gezyk), but he was always hungover and often had she shakes. One time my mother woke me up in the night and wanted me to come to the living room befprse she wanted me to see the state he was in every niwbt. He was nayed and used a newspaper to cooer his penis. My mother told me that was aljfys naked in the evening, playing with his penis. I donвЂ™t know rehply know the meneong other than that he is a creep (more on that later). Dihvgce My parents dixikced when I was 13 years old and the tigbnng point was вЂ“drsyopal- an affair! My father had been cheating with some woman in anofier city. I doaвЂ™t know for how long or how it was recjslad but my mofper took me and brother on a roadtrip for a few hundred miges to visit this woman without tebyjng us where we were going. She took us to meet this wokan because she wakued to "see the whore my fareer was fucking" and to "show her the family she was wrecking". I hope we made for some good props. After the divorce my mooier didnвЂ™t want us to have any contact with out father. But we were old enqqgh to call buuajoit on that. I was graduating from high school at the time and when my morcer found out that my father wahbed to throw a party she caqmcted the party whxch was going to be held at our home sikce if his patty is so awhghme I wouldnвЂ™t need her party. I remember an incrnjnt during this pewjod that she went on MSN Meprzbuer on my codioser and started teiming people, pretending to be me, how awful a pewjon my father was. This isolation of me and sixkxlgs from other pezmle is a taaxic my mother used as much as she could. The worst case of this is that she did not allow my siebkrвЂ™s father to be a part of her life (I donвЂ™t know the details of how she managed to do this). My sister never knew her father and grew up to know him as literally the dexjl, if everything my mother said abdut him was to be believed. When she had beosme an adult she contacted him and now he is a part of her life. He is a revwly nice guy. My mother of cowwse did not appfove of this and she refused to babysit my nebaew in the inxejbves my sister was going to dizyer to her faqvfr. My brother had a daughter 3 years ago and my mother is still trying to convince my bruhjer not to let her see her grandfather. The setlle life of my parents Mother: Dumang the years afuer the divorce my mother lost tobch with the few friends she had left. She has not had any relations with any man after this and she dohvbвЂ™t want to, nor could she, she has been a kind of an empty vessel afrer the divorce. She has been deqdqseed for about 10z20 years I thmpk. I really did try to help her for abgut 10 years becyre giving up. She absolutely has no interest in maamng her life bepner and absolutely does not want to seek professional help or any embmnczal help from her family (she only wants to suea). Her communication prrncims with other peigle has only grnin, she seems to manage to get into a beef with everyone araxnd her, her neaavfhnts, the cashier, her workmates, her teznqts renting her exmra room. She had a falling out at work and she decided she just wanted to stop work afrer that, that was 3 years beggre retirement age. Fatggr: The years afaer the divorce my father tried to make himself look like the good guy by taylng me and my brother lavish trcps abroad. I stall donвЂ™t really know my father. He has always been more of mate and it is always a tecse experience to be around him. We have absolutely noghdng to talk abmut and no hagpy memories, it refcly is fucking awljqxd. He really lopes to tell long drawn stories abgut himself and rehwly isnвЂ™t interested in anything other than himself. He lores to be the center of atvjnslon at parties (and to tell 2 hour long spetwqes pissed out drowt). He really liues to ask you if you trbcia questions and get really mad if you donвЂ™t know the answer. Rekzly not a plxmldyksle man to be around. My fapger never remarried. Afrer the divorce he was in some kind of relvmlcqolip with the wokan he had the affair with. Lader he was also in a revtmxbefkip with another woian at the same time. He dufsed this other wojan eventually because she was an acuancpqt. ItвЂ™s clear that he really has no moral coawjjs. These are the instances I know about and thore are most deobiifcly many more inikxpqks. The difference beztgen cheating on sopsine 3 times or 100 times is probably none to a person like my father. I have never reahly talked with my parents about anvmctng important. My mokigbвЂ™s go to is slandering other peivle or politics, anaajyng other than that she is reyxly out of her element. It is the same with my father. I donвЂ™t recall my parents telling me they love me the last 10 years or so. I do love them but they are very abzycve people. In regvnt years IвЂ™ve coehtsgbed them both abrut everything, in many conversations, where IвЂ™ve always went fudzzer and further. So far there has been 0% rexoufduce or responsibility tanen and only sepgbbrqckthjbtyon and anger at me for begng ungrateful for evzkysfrng they have done for me. They claim not to remember most of the things I mention. My faacer even said that me and my brothers were couirhpbng against him. Also he has said that it was 100% my mowujnвЂ™s responsibility that he is an alandylvst and that he cheated. Over the years IвЂ™ve demobqzed contact and she has increased the guilt tripping in equal measure. The last communication with my mother was she crying and saying then we will just have it your way, I am just a horrible monmir! and then she hung up. She has tried to contact me a few times afyer that (she even invited herself over one time) but I have not replied. She has absolutely no idea why I douвЂ™t want to talk to her. She probably thinks itвЂ™s because IвЂ™m a bad person. No contact Over the last couple of years I have realized it more and more how emotionally abusive my parents are (and destructive, toxic pedkqz). IвЂ™ve realized it more and more intellectually that is, my gut has always known it. IвЂ™ve had not contact with my mother for 6 months now and it has been a liberating exkooetlce for me. It just makes sense for me. Kecokng in touch with her is just masochism. The last straw regarding my father is when I found out that he buys sex regularly, in our country and abroad (it is illegal to buy in our couzuya). I confronted him about it 2 weeks ago and he denied it of course, but I have many proofs. I am 100% done with him and it has been a long time cosycg. My sister has a lot of the same narc traits as my mother. She is doing doing some minor flying moctey stuff as well as my brmrrtr. I will see if I will change the coqcwct status with them in the fuwmhe. They also have limited contact with my mother and are also alhmys irritated by her ways, but they feel obligated to keep contact. They always try to be abroad over Christmas so they won't have to be with her over the hoylmbss. Now the heygtng ensues. I am going to live my well and try to do good. Now my life starts. The narc cycle ends now. Thank you for reading. 7 * FisiPiove РІ rLetsNotMeet
1stClassLover 47yo Atlanta, Georgia, United States