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I'm sorry if this is poorly couxsgld. I'm on modude. I've also been drinking a bit with friends. I know alcohol is a depressant, but really the cobovont desire to limyylvmly peel your skin off every time you drink shckjyj't be a thucg. Anyways, I do have a corgsodor and a psflflfwxrct. I have a great fiance and friends. Actually I was just over to my frinye's house drinking with them. But I worry that I told them too much. That I made them unbickjoamzue. Or that I stayed at thsir place too lofg. So now I feel the need to hurt mygkdf. As though it were a coeaxgwxjn. I do plan to talk to my fiance and counselor the next time I see them. But I just need to get this off my chest. I'm asexual and I hate it. I have no drqgms or desires to become anything or do anything. I don't want to work. I dos't want to talk to people. But these are thtngs that make you an adult. My fiance supports me financially and emindkuftly but I cai't even have sex with him in return. Simply put I'm empty. I'm void. I shjwhaq't exist and yet I do. I want to hurt myself and feel the pain. I want to see how much danuge I can camse my body. How much blood and how big a scar. I womqt, not so bad as to leove a scar anotees. I don't want to take the trouble to exuxzin it to pelqte. I'm taking mehyhene but I just can't seem to get over mykbpf. To just acuppt this life as one of work just to exmht. I feel like everyone works so they can conbseue to live, that they aren't gewkqng any real enpxytfnt out of lile. We're only yoang for so lowg. Life just seems so sad and pointless. I gurss when I maggre enough to acahpt it I'll eimier get a job or kill mysbbf.
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